🔗 Share this article

Sometimes, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “really delusional”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often followed by a “emotional downturn”, where he feels deeply emotional and self-conscious about his conduct, making him particularly vulnerable to disapproval from those around him. He came to wonder he might have NPD after investigating his behaviors online – and subsequently diagnosed by a professional. However, he questions he would have taken the label unless he had independently formed that realization by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – most notably if they experience beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they made for themselves. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining NPD

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for over 100 years, it’s not always clear what the term implies the diagnosis. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states a leading researcher, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people keep it private, due to significant negative perception around the illness. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through behaviors including seeking admiration,” the specialist clarifies. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in NPD Presentation

Although a significant majority of people identified as having the condition are males, studies points out this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who shares content on her co-occurring conditions on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she explains, since when I’m told that I am at fault, I often enter defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Although experiencing this response – which is known as “self-esteem damage”, she has been attempting to address it and accept input from her close relationships, as she strives not to return into the damaging patterns of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners in my youth,” she states. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her partner “have a dynamic where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, when I use toxic language, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and says she lacked healthy examples during development. I’ve had to teach myself continuously which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because I never had that as a kid,” she says. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were belittling me when I was growing up.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting particular demands. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships were successful. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he admits. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, like him, has difficulty with emotional regulation. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who originally considered he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Following an appointment to his GP, he was directed to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for therapeutic sessions on the public health system (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: “They said it is expected around maybe February or March next year.”

John has only told a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, personally, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he comments. Each individual have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number