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Encountering refusal, notably when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. Someone is declining your work, delivering a definite “Nope.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I commenced submitting articles half a century past, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had several works turned down, along with book ideas and countless pieces. In the last score of years, concentrating on commentary, the denials have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a rejection frequently—amounting to more than 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. Today, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying outburst? Absolutely not. Because, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

How Have I Managed It?

For perspective: Now, almost every person and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never counted my success rate—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: recently, a publication turned down 20 articles consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors declined my book idea before a single one accepted it. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I send articles less frequently.

The Steps of Setback

In my 20s, every no stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my work being rejected, but who I am.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? Why would editors be blind to my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can they know? Who appointed you to judge on my efforts? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, frustration at them, followed by self-blame. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably mixed with delusion). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Examples

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was initially turned down are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was initially spurned. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his school team. Many US presidents over the recent history had been defeated in races. The actor-writer says that his movie pitch and desire to appear were rejected repeatedly. He said rejection as an alarm to wake me up and get going, not backing down,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my senior age, I reached the last step of setback. Peace. Now, I grasp the multiple factors why someone says no. For starters, an publisher may have recently run a like work, or have something underway, or simply be thinking about that idea for a different writer.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the editor feels I am not qualified or standing to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the content I am peddling. Or was too distracted and reviewed my submission too fast to recognize its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an realization. Everything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Some rationales for rejection are forever not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Others are under your control. Let’s face it, my proposals may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, especially semicolons, was annoying.

The key is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was 51, another, a autobiography, at retirement age—and over a thousand pieces. My writings have featured in magazines big and little, in regional, worldwide platforms. An early piece was published when I was 26—and I have now submitted to many places for 50 years.

Yet, no bestsellers, no book signings in bookshops, no features on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more readily accept rejection at 73, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the stings of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What teachings have I learned?

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